Oct 25 2011
It’s once again time for the the first and last annual Halloween Costume Ideas of Doom, a yearly tradition by which we let you know that the costume you just bought or made is the most horrible idea ever.You’re welcome.But seriously, who told you dressing up as Steve Jobs was a good idea? too soon, man. too soon.Anyway, this year’s costumes are traditional in nature. and that would be a good thing if it wasn’t for the fact that what’s traditional about them is the massive lack of societal sensibility.But we know you won’t listen to us, mainly because these are written words and are not being spoken. so you’ll do what you’ll do.and that’s fine. But just in case, let us enlighten you to what the costume you’re planning to wear means to the rest of us.so without further ado, here are the Top 10 Most Horrible Costume Ideas for Halloween 2011:1. Sexy thing that’s not sexy. what part of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle do you think is sexy? exactly. Yet, this horrible trend won’t go away. if you can’t understand that the Cookie Monster is not sexy, then there’s nothing we can do to help you, other than to advise you that if you indeed plan to come out in a sexy costume, you should at least shave your legs, dude.2. Current news. Screaming “I’m a suicide bomber!” at a party is not going to make people laugh. It’s going to make people punch you in the face, throw you to the ground and call the cops.3. Internet meme. if you are planning to come out as Keyboard or Nyan Cat or other inexplicable Internet fad, then expect to give a lot of explanations. Unless, of course, you are actually attending the HallowMEME party, like the one in New Hampshire this year or like last year’s in Brooklyn. But that’s Brooklyn, which brings us to another current horror.4. Brooklyn hipster. the problem with this costume is that hipsters won’t realize you’re wearing a costume and will approach you and talk about “gourmet curried chicken rolls, organic burgers and venison chili cheese fries” (actual New York Times sentence). just remember that rule No. 1 of hipsterdom is to deny you’re a hipster, hipster.5. Double costumes. so you are conflicted about dressing up as Bert from Sesame Street and also as an Occupy Wall Street protester. and your genius idea is to wear your Bert costume with a ‘V for Vendetta’ mask and a sign that says, “No Fracking.” however, you, sir, are not too big to fail.6. Half costumes. Wings are not a costume, unless your costume is of “Person too lazy to buy a costume” or you actually have wings, in which case you’re a mutant.7. funny lazy costume. a black T-shirt that reads, “Halloween costume” actually says, “I’m don’t want to spend money on a Halloween costume, so I bought this T-shirt instead. with money.”8. TV character from the old show. the main problem about dressing up as Steve Urkel from “Family Matters” is not that people won’t recognize it but that people will think you’re a hipster. Hipsters knew that a month ago.9. Journalist. Don’t wear a fedora. That’s old school. Journalists in the Internet Age are sophisticated people of the future who tweet about cats and don’t pay their rent on time. at least that’s our experience.10. Santa Claus. if you dress as Santa you are a naughty person and won’t get anything for Christmas for being so lazy. Shame on you.Hopefully, you won’t commit any of these crimes against decency (unless you’re a hipster, in which case we can’t help you). now if you excuse us, we have to go eat some gourmet curried chicken rolls, organic burgers and venison chili cheese fries.
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